I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
is wine microwaveable?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
