Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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