Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
