my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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