batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
