a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
