just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize