just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
