BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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