i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
