Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have post one night stand depression
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