and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
