are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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