did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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