I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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