I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize