Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
