last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
