I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
