I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
