I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
