if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
