I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
