It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
