And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
