I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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