Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
mondays should just be called national damage control day
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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