we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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