Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Let's get the cat blown out
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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