I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
