peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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