he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So many bounce houses so little time
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
