I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
