she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
