I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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