You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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