I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
