Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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