he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize