You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
