He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
