I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
