My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
