i don't like sucking hair
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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