she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
