i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
