im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
