Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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