I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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