I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
