Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
