just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
