this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
