You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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