Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
