3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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