I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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