Plan B is the new Plan A
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sorry about my life...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
