I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
