Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
