I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
