I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
