Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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