Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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