Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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