Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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