i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
