i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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