I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
