before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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