Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
