matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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