My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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