Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
