doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
