Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
