We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
