I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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