I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
